Why Michael Jackson will never thrill again
|  | | Michael Jackson | Today, the Telegraph lifts up the hem of its puffy skirt, shows off a little cankle, and provocatively asks, "Can the King of Pop reclaim his crown?" Probably not! But first, the details. Michael Jackson is expected to make an announcement about a potentially 50-date Las Vegas-style residence at London's O2 Arena at some point today - in order to pay off some nasty debts. And while all of us would love nothing more than to see MJ's "Thriller" dance again (perhaps with a little assistance from inmates?), the imminent outbreak of disaster appears inevitable.
If the last few years have offered us any lessons in comeback theory, it's this: As fans, we need our pop idols to sing and dance exactly how we remember them. This is why the diminishing supply of music videos is something to cry over. But it's also why that Spice Girls reunion last year was so successful - because it was a gratuitously tacky frolic through their discography that didn't attempt to update itself to meet current pop standards. Similarly, by keeping their sound virtually unchanged over the years, it's why dowdy boyband predecessors Take That have enjoyed some sort of continued relevance. Even Mariah Carey managed to beat the curse of the failing diva after she re-embraced her stodgy R&B roots.
But unlike Carey, her peers from the same era - by daring to shake things up in the name of "artistic evolution" - haven't been so lucky. Consider for example a certain unnamed sinking Queen of Pop. But it's less scary when you study sister-of-Michael Janet, who, despite turning out excellent single after excellent single, fails to mint a solid comeback these days. We don't want Miss Jackson to appeal to the increasingly hipstery sensibilities of music consumers. We just want her to throw on some stone-washed jeans and dance around in monochrome.
This is exactly why, for Jacko, recruiting Kanye West won't make more sense than your uncle banging away on the piano while you awkwardly sing "Tiny Dancer" to a crowd of nonplussed relatives. After the novelty value, all that'll be left is an unfortunate, dated-sounding mash-up of styles that fail to cohere. If Michael Jackson wants to prevail and pay off his exorbitant debts, he needs to cash in on nostalgia and accept that in his bid to reclaim his title as King of Pop, he may have to forgo King of Cool. Besides, remember the last time he tried to stage a comeback and made a silly little production of being hip with the times (if you call Chris Tucker "hip with the times")? Me neither. (BlackBook)
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